I didn't dare step on the scale this morning, I was afraid of what I would see. I kept analyzing how I felt. "Do I feel heavy right now? Or do I feel skinny?" Sad, I know. Just before 10 this morning I decided it was probably time to step on the scale & go eat breakfast. Much to my delight I saw 229!!!!! Despite enjoying a bit of candy during our party last night and eating more than I probably should of Friday night I still lost. That feels SO good. All that exercise & water drinking is paying off. Plus I have found time and again that enjoying with moderation is a lot more, well, enjoyable! Imagine that.
One of my hardest challenges is not eating at night. With my little baby nursing a lot in the evenings I get really hungry, plus the house is quiet and calm (ie: no kids running around like lunatics) and it seems that's when I want to eat. Last night I kept thinking about the turkey chili that was in the fridge and how good it would be, but then I'd remind myself that I need at least one "vicotry" this week, as every night prior I'd caved in and eaten something & my choices weren't all that smart. Not terrible but not teriffic either. After a good hour of going back n' forth I decided that I really was hungry and that it wasn't an emotional need (gotta love family drama) to eat so I ate a sugar & carb control strawberry yogurt by Dannon. Their my favorite. I felt satisfied afterwards and NOT all "gross Julia you just stuffed your face AGAIN".
Feelin' good, feelin' strong.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Considering ....
Today wasn't so bad considering we had a kitchen FULL of candy for our anual gingerbread house party. We get together every year to build them, kids & adults alike. Really fun but it's a sugar fest. I ate a bit but I didn't pig out like I normally do & I don't feel all sugar high, so I'll happily avoid the sugar hangover that usually comes the next day. I've not eaten perfect today but I'm quite proud of the fact that I've not stuffed my face either & I got in all 128oz of water as well. Yup, go me.. Made a super yummy turkey chili for dinner, that seems to be my staple latley. Full of protein, yummy belle peppers and is low fat.
Tomorrow I am hoping to see 231 on the scale. As long as I didn't gain over the weekend I'll be a happy woman.
Tomorrow I am hoping to see 231 on the scale. As long as I didn't gain over the weekend I'll be a happy woman.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Ohhh to be fickle.
So many times I have started a blog only to break up with it in the end.
This time I need it to be different, for me. In the past I've written for others more than I have for myself, I've made my thoughts to one degree or another impersonal and because of that it became meaningless. A chore. Weight loss isn't usually a graceful thing, however with words I've tried time and again to make it so but lets face it, flopping around on the floor in my living room as I try and keep up with Leslie Sansone is the last thing someone wants to read about. But it's part of what my story is going to entail. So should anyone happen to even read this, I warn you now.
I have more to lose than I would like to admit (how many times has THAT been said). Ninety-Eight pounds to be exact. 98. Nine. Eight. I've played around with 40lbs for about two years now. Losing and then gaining it back thanks to pregnancy & my obnoxious need to shove chocolate into my mouth at an alarming rate. I used to firmly believe in the age old law that a girl never tells her weight. I'm going to leave that with the old for now and tell all. When I realized enough was enough the scale screamed 233 at me. I'm currently sitting at 231. My first goal is to see 218 again and then 199 - to be under that 200 mark is going to be a very exciting & much longed for day. The last time I was under 200lbs was right before I got pregnant with my twins. They just celebrated their 9th birthday. Depressing. And yet so very, very modivating. I seem to have a mental block when it comes to reaching the 199 mark. Three times now I have so very close to going under the 200lbs mark only to find myself staring at 215, 220, 225, 230 .... again.
Which leads me to my next thought. Weight loss isn't so much about getting smaller, although that's a mighty fine perk. It's about healing. Emotinally. Spiritually. Mentally. Physically. It's an opportunity to save and heal who I am. So much healing needs to take place. So much. It's taken me 30 years to get here and I am ready. You hear me world? I'm ready. It's like every little fat cell holds a painful or personal memory that acts like a layer of bubble wrap. Protecting me, or at least giving the allusion that it's protecting me. Everytime I face an inner demon it'll be like popping one of those bubbles, releasing the pain and hurt, the insecure feelings and all the gooey ungoodness to the universe & reveling a bit more of the beautiful new me. When I've reached where ever I'm going I'll not longer be just a "beautiful face" but a beautiful me. It will be good.
So here it is. Me and my blog. Where will we go this time, old friend...
This time I need it to be different, for me. In the past I've written for others more than I have for myself, I've made my thoughts to one degree or another impersonal and because of that it became meaningless. A chore. Weight loss isn't usually a graceful thing, however with words I've tried time and again to make it so but lets face it, flopping around on the floor in my living room as I try and keep up with Leslie Sansone is the last thing someone wants to read about. But it's part of what my story is going to entail. So should anyone happen to even read this, I warn you now.
I have more to lose than I would like to admit (how many times has THAT been said). Ninety-Eight pounds to be exact. 98. Nine. Eight. I've played around with 40lbs for about two years now. Losing and then gaining it back thanks to pregnancy & my obnoxious need to shove chocolate into my mouth at an alarming rate. I used to firmly believe in the age old law that a girl never tells her weight. I'm going to leave that with the old for now and tell all. When I realized enough was enough the scale screamed 233 at me. I'm currently sitting at 231. My first goal is to see 218 again and then 199 - to be under that 200 mark is going to be a very exciting & much longed for day. The last time I was under 200lbs was right before I got pregnant with my twins. They just celebrated their 9th birthday. Depressing. And yet so very, very modivating. I seem to have a mental block when it comes to reaching the 199 mark. Three times now I have so very close to going under the 200lbs mark only to find myself staring at 215, 220, 225, 230 .... again.
Which leads me to my next thought. Weight loss isn't so much about getting smaller, although that's a mighty fine perk. It's about healing. Emotinally. Spiritually. Mentally. Physically. It's an opportunity to save and heal who I am. So much healing needs to take place. So much. It's taken me 30 years to get here and I am ready. You hear me world? I'm ready. It's like every little fat cell holds a painful or personal memory that acts like a layer of bubble wrap. Protecting me, or at least giving the allusion that it's protecting me. Everytime I face an inner demon it'll be like popping one of those bubbles, releasing the pain and hurt, the insecure feelings and all the gooey ungoodness to the universe & reveling a bit more of the beautiful new me. When I've reached where ever I'm going I'll not longer be just a "beautiful face" but a beautiful me. It will be good.
So here it is. Me and my blog. Where will we go this time, old friend...
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
So like ...
When your sick shouldn't it only be fair that you lose a bit of weight? Yea, I thought so too. Unfortuantley I've gained 2lbs I've no idea how, but it is what it is. I've had this awful cough for about a week now, last night was the third night I'd not slept because of it even with a dose of unisom. My gallbladder is going a bit bonkers too - seems when it rains it pours. The exciting part in all of this? In the past I would of given up a week ago, the minute I started coughing & feeling the ick, but not this time I'm still excited & I'm still modivated to keep going. I do miss being able to exercise but I know that this can't last forever (it can't right!?) so hopefully in another week I'll be able to get back into the groove of things.
I've had this goal to be under 200lbs by February 4th which is my daughters first birthday, I'm 14lbs away from that and set back a week due to being sick, but I'm still going to keep trying and I'm going to get as close to that goal as possible & who knows maybe I WILL reach it! Either way no matter where I end up it's a fun little challenge and it keeps me modivated. I also turn 30yrs young in June & it's my 10yr wedding anniversary so I want to set a goal for those dates as well, I'm just not sure what's realisitic at the moment, so will have to spend some time thinking about that.
I've had this goal to be under 200lbs by February 4th which is my daughters first birthday, I'm 14lbs away from that and set back a week due to being sick, but I'm still going to keep trying and I'm going to get as close to that goal as possible & who knows maybe I WILL reach it! Either way no matter where I end up it's a fun little challenge and it keeps me modivated. I also turn 30yrs young in June & it's my 10yr wedding anniversary so I want to set a goal for those dates as well, I'm just not sure what's realisitic at the moment, so will have to spend some time thinking about that.
Friday, January 2, 2009
It's nearly rediculous the amount of time I spent on The Cutest Blog On the Block website looking for a layout, and chances are, knowing me, I will probably change it at least four more times before I stick with it for a solid week.... or two. Ha.
Anyways, so I used to be an avid blogger and am excited to get back into it. My dear friend Emily sparked the excitement for me when she mentioned the above mentioned website. I'm all for cute! And that website is full of it. So, here I am blogging again AND with a purpose this time.
I think I've always been trying to lose weight, since I was a pre-teenat least but it wasn't until the end of 2006 that I became genuinely serious. I'd hit an all time high (or low, depending on how you look at it) and was disgusted with how badly I had allowed myself to go ~ I've tried WW, exercising/decreasing what I ate, various forms of exercise and eating plans, my last unsuccessful attempt was giving the lemonade diet a try ~ all of these met with little success. It would work for 10lbs (ie: a month) and then I'd be back to where I was. It wasn't until I made myself sit down & read The South Beach Diet book that I actually found something that made sense to me, to my body type & sounded as if I could live with for the rest of my life, because that was my plan. I didn't want to do something I couldn't do from here till forever. I gave it a try and much to my excitment it not only worked I felt GOOD. Like, REALLY good. Then pregnancy came & as was my style all weight loss efforts went out the window, rather fast.
So, here I am again thankfully not at my highest but still at a weight that I greatly dislike. I plan on going back to the SBD (or my relaxed version) and I'm actually really excited about it, I know it works & I remember how good I felt. I also have something fun to work twoards besides my goal weight & sz 6 pants ~ I'll be training over the next number of months so that I can participate in a 5k run/walk with Race for a Cure & even better, I'll be doing it for a very dear friends SIL. It's a win win situation & I'm SO excited to begin! One of my *big* goals is to run a full marathon so this is a perfect step in the right direction.
Anyways, so I used to be an avid blogger and am excited to get back into it. My dear friend Emily sparked the excitement for me when she mentioned the above mentioned website. I'm all for cute! And that website is full of it. So, here I am blogging again AND with a purpose this time.
I think I've always been trying to lose weight, since I was a pre-teenat least but it wasn't until the end of 2006 that I became genuinely serious. I'd hit an all time high (or low, depending on how you look at it) and was disgusted with how badly I had allowed myself to go ~ I've tried WW, exercising/decreasing what I ate, various forms of exercise and eating plans, my last unsuccessful attempt was giving the lemonade diet a try ~ all of these met with little success. It would work for 10lbs (ie: a month) and then I'd be back to where I was. It wasn't until I made myself sit down & read The South Beach Diet book that I actually found something that made sense to me, to my body type & sounded as if I could live with for the rest of my life, because that was my plan. I didn't want to do something I couldn't do from here till forever. I gave it a try and much to my excitment it not only worked I felt GOOD. Like, REALLY good. Then pregnancy came & as was my style all weight loss efforts went out the window, rather fast.
So, here I am again thankfully not at my highest but still at a weight that I greatly dislike. I plan on going back to the SBD (or my relaxed version) and I'm actually really excited about it, I know it works & I remember how good I felt. I also have something fun to work twoards besides my goal weight & sz 6 pants ~ I'll be training over the next number of months so that I can participate in a 5k run/walk with Race for a Cure & even better, I'll be doing it for a very dear friends SIL. It's a win win situation & I'm SO excited to begin! One of my *big* goals is to run a full marathon so this is a perfect step in the right direction.
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